Psychology – Lucy L Jones PhD LLC

Is That All There is?

Is that all there is?
If that’s all there is, my friends,
then let’s keep dancing.
Let’s break out the booze and have a ball,
Mike Stoller and Jerry Leiber —

How many of you remember Peggy Lee singing this song in 1969? And how many of us have said or sung that several times throughout our lives? We reach a stage of life I call the “Messy Midlife;” we look around and ask ourselves “Is that all there is?”

So, what do we do with our messy midlife? We change careers, we go back to school, we have an affair and/or get a divorce, we buy a sports car, we bleach our hair, we do everything we can to bring back a sense of newness to our lives. We feel like our lives are half over and what do we have to show for it? Is this all there is?

If you’ve had these thoughts, you’re in good company. Is “midlife crisis” a myth or is it real? To those going through it, it’s very real. You’ve had a good life, but now something seems to be missing. Some of our activities can end up being very positive, depending on how and why we carry them out.

Going back to school can work at any age. Changing careers can bring a new purpose to your life. You are never too old to do or be what you’ve always wanted to do or be! Don’t sit at home and moan about getting older. Not everyone will be granted that privilege.

Some of you took an online course I created – “Growing Older with Gusto!” (https://lavalily.com/learn-with-lucy/) That course is being updated and will be available again soon. As I inch toward my ninetieth birthday, I may have a few words to help guide you into your older years.

In late spring of this year, I will offer a new course called “Gusto Through a Messy Midlife!” Watch for the announcement on my website or get the free app (Learn with Lucy) from either Apple or Google and sign up for announcements.

A hui hou!

****The song was inspired by Thomas Mann’s short story, “Disillusionment.” The song was written by Mike Stoller and Jerry Leiber, and arranged by Randy Newman. The photo is one I took at the Colosseum in Rome, Italy.

IT’S TIME TO JOIN ME!

I am gradually moving some of my online activity to my app “Learn with Lucy.”

Please download the app (it’s free on either Google or Apple!). Register with the app right away, then check in regularly for anything new. Check out

On the app, you will find information about:

the courses I’m offering,
new blog posts,
books I’m reading,
recommended articles,
and much more.

Those who are registered with the app will get priority information right at your fingertips without having to find my website on your computer. Most of us have our cell phones handy all the time, anyway. To learn about my logo and more about the app, check out my post from November 13, 2023.

I’m still learning from the developer just how much the app can do, so we’ll be learning some of the new stuff together. I invite you to recommend this app to others who might be interested in more learning opportunities.

If you are looking for a life coach or mentor, please email me for more information at the address listed below.

Lucy learnwithlucy@myyahoo.com

When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be. (Lao Tzu)

My First Book Giveaway

I have acquired and kept, given away, lost, or donated thousands of books. As I head into my ninth decade of life, I am reminded that my books cannot follow me wherever I go in life – or death. Therefore, I need to get rid of them today while I can still decide where they are to go.

My goal is to give away as many books as I possibly can to people who want them. As the first step, I will write a brief review of one or more books on this blog at least once a month (maybe more often if I get around to it). If you read about a book you want, let me know, and I will send it to you, free of charge.

Word of warning: Some of these books either have yellow highlighting, underlining, or notes in the margin. Others will look like new, and you’ll wonder if I ever read them, but I have read every book I own. Whether or not you see markings has no bearing on what I thought of the book.

You have one month from the date I post the information to request the book. After that, it will go into a box for donations to a thrift shop.

The first book I will give you is Chi Walking by Danny and Katherine Dreyer. We learn to walk early in life, then perhaps we get away from it when life got too busy to walk for leisure. I was a walker for many years and even a runner at one point. Then after back surgery, I ended up with some nerve damage in my left leg, so I now use a walker to get around, still with chi.

What is chi? It’s your life force, and the authors say, “With chi flowing in your life, your energy expands and grows rather than spiraling downward like water whirlpooling down a drain.” It is my personal hope that by walking with chi, my leg will improve. Would you like to own this book?

REMINDER: For information on being mentored by me, please see my blog of November 26, 2023 https://lavalily.com/2023/11/26/guess-what/ Beginning in 2024, I will offer individual and private mentoring in four one-hour sessions on how to “Grow Older with Gusto!” at any stage of life.

If you want to learn more about this opportunity, comment on that post with your email, and I will respond. Your email will not be posted for the public to see. We can discuss your options, or if you live near Kailua-Kona, HI, perhaps we can meet over a cuppa to make plans.

A hui hou!

GUESS WHAT??

It’s nothing new! We are growing older from the day we are born!

We are always growing older:

Babies grow into toddlers
Toddlers grow into teens
Teens grow into adults

On and on it goes until we finally are growing into our 60s or 70s or older. In the fall of 2024, I’ll be growing into my 90s – then my 100s a decade later, and life is still exciting to me. Who knows how many more decades I’ll get to grow into?

In “Learn with Lucy,” my featured course offering is “Growing Older with Gusto!” It was originally created to discuss how to head into our older years with gusto. That has become an “evergreeen” course, which means the course is available all the time and you can start whenever you wish. Check my website https://lavalily.com/learn-with-lucy/ for more information.

What’s the next step in your journey? What do you look forward to – or fear? We are never too old or too young to discuss our lives with someone who has been there and can help us through the trickiness of each decade.

Are you wondering about:

college and a future career?
changing careers?
retirement?
marriage or staying single?
parenthood or not?
moving far away?
your messy midlife?

Beginning in 2024, I will offer individual and private mentoring in four one-hour sessions on how to “Grow Older with Gusto!” at any stage of your life.

If you want to learn more about this opportunity, comment on this post with your email, and I will respond. Your email will not be posted for the public to see. We can discuss your options – or if you live near Kailua-Kona, HI, perhaps we can meet over a cuppa to make plans.

Every day, I aim for the GUSTO! – and so can you!

A hui hou!

Climbing on my Soapbox

In one of my former lives, I worked with adults who had Downs Syndrome. One of the things my new friends emphasized to me is that they knew something wasn’t right with them, but that they were still adults, after all. They said the person who came in before I did, treated them like little children and taught them simple children’s songs like “Jesus Loves Me.” I taught them simple, but adult hymns like “All Things Bright and Beautiful” that they appreciated much more. We also did real art projects instead of cut-and-paste or glue-and-glitter. As one of them shared, “We aren’t in kindergarten!”

When friends or family members grow older and become childlike, it’s hard to remember they are still adults with a history, that they are not in kindergarten. Now that I’ve reached that age, I want to be treated like a woman who has accomplished a great deal in life, someone who is highly educated and still has something to contribute. Somehow, when people see me using a walker to get around, they automatically think my disability applies to my mental abilities as well. I don’t want to be treated as some drooling old lady who simply has mobility issues.

This past spring, I visited my 99-year-old aunt in the retirement home where she lives. One of the women who sat at our breakfast table lit up when I asked what her career had been. She’d been a history professor – and I doubt if a single caregiver in that place had any clue, or ever talked to her about it.

Years ago, I regularly visited a parishioner who had been a social worker traveling the world and had written books on her topic. But in her late 90s, she was bedridden and helpless. When I asked about some of the artifacts she had in her living room, her eyes brightened significantly! Not one soul had ever bothered to ask about her artifacts.

Another parishioner had been a Navy officer, never married and had no children, but she did have very selfish nieces and nephews. The minute she went into the hospital, with every intention of going back “home” later, they sold her house and everything in it. I remember her raising her fist and telling me, “Don’t ever get old!” She felt that life had become totally out of her control.

After my visit with my aunt, I realized how much she still had all her mental faculties. She was simply having a difficult time getting around (like me). I came away depressed from being around all these other “nursing home” people. My aunt had a college degree and had studied eight years of Latin, and yet at almost 100 (February 2024) had nobody to have an intellectual conversation with in her facility. I think she appreciated my visit more than I realized. Six months after my visit, I hear that she is showing signs of dementia, and I’m almost certain it’s because she has very little mental stimulation in her current living space.

I’m such an advocate for the elderly!!! They/We are simply cast aside because of so many misperceptions. We do not want to be invisible!

A hui hou!