Retirement – Lucy L Jones PhD LLC

Is That All There is?

Is that all there is?
If that’s all there is, my friends,
then let’s keep dancing.
Let’s break out the booze and have a ball,
Mike Stoller and Jerry Leiber —

How many of you remember Peggy Lee singing this song in 1969? And how many of us have said or sung that several times throughout our lives? We reach a stage of life I call the “Messy Midlife;” we look around and ask ourselves “Is that all there is?”

So, what do we do with our messy midlife? We change careers, we go back to school, we have an affair and/or get a divorce, we buy a sports car, we bleach our hair, we do everything we can to bring back a sense of newness to our lives. We feel like our lives are half over and what do we have to show for it? Is this all there is?

If you’ve had these thoughts, you’re in good company. Is “midlife crisis” a myth or is it real? To those going through it, it’s very real. You’ve had a good life, but now something seems to be missing. Some of our activities can end up being very positive, depending on how and why we carry them out.

Going back to school can work at any age. Changing careers can bring a new purpose to your life. You are never too old to do or be what you’ve always wanted to do or be! Don’t sit at home and moan about getting older. Not everyone will be granted that privilege.

Some of you took an online course I created – “Growing Older with Gusto!” (https://lavalily.com/learn-with-lucy/) That course is being updated and will be available again soon. As I inch toward my ninetieth birthday, I may have a few words to help guide you into your older years.

In late spring of this year, I will offer a new course called “Gusto Through a Messy Midlife!” Watch for the announcement on my website or get the free app (Learn with Lucy) from either Apple or Google and sign up for announcements.

A hui hou!

****The song was inspired by Thomas Mann’s short story, “Disillusionment.” The song was written by Mike Stoller and Jerry Leiber, and arranged by Randy Newman. The photo is one I took at the Colosseum in Rome, Italy.

Climbing on my Soapbox

In one of my former lives, I worked with adults who had Downs Syndrome. One of the things my new friends emphasized to me is that they knew something wasn’t right with them, but that they were still adults, after all. They said the person who came in before I did, treated them like little children and taught them simple children’s songs like “Jesus Loves Me.” I taught them simple, but adult hymns like “All Things Bright and Beautiful” that they appreciated much more. We also did real art projects instead of cut-and-paste or glue-and-glitter. As one of them shared, “We aren’t in kindergarten!”

When friends or family members grow older and become childlike, it’s hard to remember they are still adults with a history, that they are not in kindergarten. Now that I’ve reached that age, I want to be treated like a woman who has accomplished a great deal in life, someone who is highly educated and still has something to contribute. Somehow, when people see me using a walker to get around, they automatically think my disability applies to my mental abilities as well. I don’t want to be treated as some drooling old lady who simply has mobility issues.

This past spring, I visited my 99-year-old aunt in the retirement home where she lives. One of the women who sat at our breakfast table lit up when I asked what her career had been. She’d been a history professor – and I doubt if a single caregiver in that place had any clue, or ever talked to her about it.

Years ago, I regularly visited a parishioner who had been a social worker traveling the world and had written books on her topic. But in her late 90s, she was bedridden and helpless. When I asked about some of the artifacts she had in her living room, her eyes brightened significantly! Not one soul had ever bothered to ask about her artifacts.

Another parishioner had been a Navy officer, never married and had no children, but she did have very selfish nieces and nephews. The minute she went into the hospital, with every intention of going back “home” later, they sold her house and everything in it. I remember her raising her fist and telling me, “Don’t ever get old!” She felt that life had become totally out of her control.

After my visit with my aunt, I realized how much she still had all her mental faculties. She was simply having a difficult time getting around (like me). I came away depressed from being around all these other “nursing home” people. My aunt had a college degree and had studied eight years of Latin, and yet at almost 100 (February 2024) had nobody to have an intellectual conversation with in her facility. I think she appreciated my visit more than I realized. Six months after my visit, I hear that she is showing signs of dementia, and I’m almost certain it’s because she has very little mental stimulation in her current living space.

I’m such an advocate for the elderly!!! They/We are simply cast aside because of so many misperceptions. We do not want to be invisible!

A hui hou!

My New Career

Friends often ask how I get so much writing accomplished. The answer is simple – I finally retired from my last career.

I was in the field of psychology for several years, then I spent several decades as a full-time pastor and counselor in a mainline denomination. As I finished up my last few years in a local church here in Hawai`i, I began teaching part-time for our community college.

By the time I retired from ministry, I was teaching fulltime at the college and didn’t stop until September 2021. I was an Associate Professor of psychology when I retired eight months ago.

The first six months of retirement were difficult for me. I had never been without a job or career of some sort since the age of sixteen. Perhaps many of you can relate.

I was lost. Who am I? Now what? Is death the next step? What is life about?

Recently, I was looking through old journals to find something I thought I needed. I don’t even remember what that was now, but a phrase in my journals kept coming up over and over: “I just wish I could stay home and write.”

I had been writing bits and pieces here and there, and then I would put it all aside to grade a stack of papers or prepare a sermon, see a client or prepare a class lecture. By the time I retired, my computer held several novels and bits of books and articles, plus notes on other work, and I had published a self-help e-book online. In my mind, none of that counted for anything.

Retirement gave me the opportunity to put it all together and get published. The e-book is now in paperback form, and I have serious notes on the next two books of my mystery series.

I tell this story to remind you (and myself) that little bits of writing here and there do add up. Take those few minutes you have on the way to work, or early in the morning before the household wakes up, or instead of watching TV, or while you are nursing a baby, or whatever else you do. Those things are important, but so is your writing habit.

It doesn’t need to be quality time or quality writing at this point, but it needs to be something. If you are a writer, then write. You can edit and put it all together later, but all famous authors remind us to write something every day.

A hui hou!